5 Self-Care Steps I Make When I Feel Depression Is Coming

Jul 4

I’m a young woman in her what society considers as “best years”. I have a fulfilling and socially active life: I have a job that I love (two actually, plus freelance), a supportive family and I found my passion in dancing. I used to have a secret side to me, but about a year ago I decided I don’t want to hide it anymore - it wasn’t serving me well. Long story short: I had depression.

Now I became a self-appointed ambassador of mental health, knowing how challenging it can be to find peace and joy in life. I want to share my story with a wider audience, in hopes that my experience will help someone who’s going through a similar path in life. This article consists of my personal background and how I take care of myself when I feel that I might fall into another depressive episode.

A long road to understanding

I started to get depressive episodes when I was a teenager. Growing up in a small rural town, nobody talked about mental health. People would often associate mental unwellness of any sort with “being crazy” and “losing marbles”, creating an isolating bubble for those who were suffering from it. I couldn’t even admit my struggles to myself, not to even mention my parents or friends, unconsciously fearing a negative reaction and having to deal with it.

As I was growing up and becoming a young adult, I noticed a certain pattern of what I call “waves” – interchanging mood periods that I labelled simply as “good” and “bad” times. I wasn’t able to understand or distinguish my emotions, only that there were months when I would feel extremely down and months when I would feel “normal” again. I was refusing to even contemplate the idea of depression, because I would think “Well, but I was joking and smiling yesterday, depressed people don’t do that!”, completely discarding feelings of emptiness and desperation that were slowly, but steadily growing inside of me.

And over the passing years, I have let it consume me completely.

At some point, I realised that my “bad wave” has been lasting for a year. When I hit the two-year mark, I went to a therapist for the first time. A simple question “How are you?” got me bursting into tears and I couldn’t say a word, let alone explain why I was crying. Surprisingly, later on, my at the time therapist was insisting that I don’t have depression and I am “just prone to a melancholic and dark perception of the world” and I believed them.

Partly, because I would still get short periods of feeling “normal”, aka being able to experience feelings of joy and curiosity about life, though they were lasting a week or two, in the best-case scenario – a whole month. I was also able to maintain my life as a high functioning person through these years: I was working, socialising, laughing, and joking. People with depression can’t do that, right? Wrong.

The truth is that depression has no face.

I learned that during my third year, when I went to see a psychiatrist – a family member insisted I do that. I got diagnosed with major depressive disorder and proceeded with medical treatment. My story is a textbook example of “smiling depression” – a term used for someone living with depression but appears to be content and happy for the public eye. Please note that the term “smiling depression” isn’t recognised as a medical condition and would likely be diagnosed under MDD.

Major Depressive Disorder

There are many resources about MDD and depressive episodes online from trustworthy sources. My go-to website in search of information and useful tips for persons struggling with mental health is healthline.com. I would recommend signing up for a Mental health newsletter from them for a weekly portion of new articles – it is a good way to continue self-educating on the topic.

If you are struggling with depression, anxiety, or any other form of mental illness, please, contact a doctor or a person you trust. Asking for help or admitting you need it can be difficult, but it’s the first step to recovery. Find a local medical or mental health centre to get started.

According to The Lancet, approximately 300 million people are affected by depressive disorders worldwide. About 17.3 million adults in the U.S. have experienced a major depressive episode at least once in their lifetime.

This is a gentle reminder that whatever it is you going through, you are not alone, even though you might feel isolated in your own bubble. Openly talking about depression and your personal experience is extremely hard at the beginning, but it is crucial to start doing that.

Throughout my journey, I learned to notice subtle signs that my mind and body are giving me when there is a chance I’m about to fall into another depressive episode, as they come quite periodically to me. The process of understanding the signs took me a while, but it became clearer over time. I created a self-care list to prepare myself and navigate depression as safe and easy as possible – I know it’s never really easy, but you can make this journey a bit more comfortable for yourself.

It’s a simple list of actions that I can perform even if I’m feeling down, though people who came across depression know that even simple tasks can be challenging in that state.

While these tips may not work for everyone, I hope they will be a good starting point for self-care.

Disclaimer: The tips are coming from the author’s personal experience, they may or may not work for you. We encourage you to explore further to find what works best specifically for you.

1. Tell someone

When you feel a depressive episode stepping on your toes, the very first thing to do is tell someone about it. I always reach out to three categories of people: a family member, a friend, and a doctor. Talking to medical staff is extremely important, as they monitor your progress and can correct the treatment, whether it’s therapy or medication.

Depression is a master of traps, and the first one we usually fall into is self-isolation. Avoiding social contact is a common behavioural pattern among depressed people – protect yourself from it by always having someone to check in on you during this time, a trusted family member or a friend is always a good choice for that.

2. Change bedsheets

It might sound strange, but this is literally one of the first things that I do when I start experiencing a depression spiral. Because I never know when I will change it again – when I hit a depressive episode, I don’t have a set schedule, it might last from weeks to months and honestly, I just don’t have any strength or desire to change my bedsheets during that time. I just don’t care.

Ironically, this is the first thing that I do when I start to recover and feel like myself again.

A good idea is also to clean your apartment as much as you can, according to your energy levels – I wouldn’t recommend overpowering yourself though, you will need strength to battle your inner demons after all.

4. Reserve social energy

Yes, I am that friend, who cancels social plans and meetings. I am a hard-core introvert, socialising takes a lot from my energy tank, so when I need to reserve strength, I tend to bring my social life to the minimum. I try not to isolate myself completely and meet my family and friends for casual Netflix special and cosy evenings, but a party – is a definite no-go.

I understand that this step is not for everyone, and some people receive energy from socialising. Extraverts, what is your secret? How do you do it? Seriously, it’s like a parallel universe for me. Anyhow, isolation and rumination should be avoidable, so if you decide to try this tip, keep in mind that you shouldn’t be completely alone.

3. Stock on food

I stock in the pantry, fresh vegetables and fruits, frozen goods, canned food and everything easy to cook, even instant noodles. I know for sure, that there will be a moment (or two, or three) when all I will be able to do – is boil water.

I don’t want to think about my meal plans or worry about food at all, so filling up a fridge with as many options as possible is an absolute necessity. During a depressive episode, I can also order food delivery, sometimes my family supports me on this task as well.

5. Sleep hygiene

The first thing that suffers during depressive episodes is my sleeping habits. I can’t sleep normally and experience insomnia, vivid nightmares and have a hard time staying asleep. I’m also constantly drowsy and the only thing I want to do is get back in bed.

To help maintain a healthy sleep routine, I try to support sleep hygiene as much as possible. That includes the rule of no smartphones or laptops two hours before going to bed, evening yoga or short walks, and melatonin. Sometimes I need professional help, so I ask my therapist to prescribe me medicine to help me fall and stay asleep.

A quite common trait of depression is that decisions don’t come easy anymore, so these tips are aimed to reduce my routine, domestic decision-making process to the minimum. I hope that these 5 self-care steps will help someone, but I encourage you to explore more about yourself and experiment with what works best for you.

Another short reminder: You are not alone. You can get through it. You deserve to be loved and cared about – from your social circle and yourself.

Ksenia Saburova