Nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. 

Abuse in relationships might take many forms – and no one deserves that. In this article, Caddyboo will talk about what financial abuse is and how to prepare to leave an abusive relationship with a focus on finances and building an independent life.

But the first question is: what is domestic abuse and how to identify it?

What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse (domestic violence/intimate partner violence) is a behavioural pattern in a relationship that aims to gain control and power over a partner. This can include – but is not limited to – physical, sexual, psychological, financial, and technological abuse.

The majority of cases are experienced by women: 1 in 4 women over the age of 18 have been a victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner and 1 in 3 women is affected by domestic abuse worldwide. 1 in 7 men has been in the same situation in their lifetime. Victims of domestic abuse can be romantic partners, family members including children and relatives. 

According to the data provided by WAVE Report 2021 (Women Against Violence Europe), women of age 15-44 are more at risk from rape and domestic violence than from car accidents, war, cancer, and malaria combined. Another unsettling fact is that women who have experienced abuse are nearly twice likely to suffer from depression.

Due to the pandemic and lockdowns in 2020-2021, the risk of violence against women has increased by 25-33% globally. Women survivors' safety was compromised by the constant presence of the perpetrators at home, isolating them from the outside world and limiting possibilities to get help or protection. Helplines reported an overall increase in calls in 2020 up to 43% compared to 2018 in the EU Member States.

To learn more about domestic abuse, check out The Haven, Wolverhampton webpage. For example, this page will help you recognise patterns of domestic violence.

If you believe that you are experiencing abuse and are ready to leave the relationship, plan ahead to act as safely as possible. Read through the Safety Planning Guide provided by the Haven, Wolverhampton. 

The focus of this article is on how to prepare financially to leave an abusive relationship. Before we dive into the tips on that, let’s discuss what financial abuse might look like. 

Financial abuse

Financial abuse happens in 98% of domestic abuse, yet the majority of people still struggle to recognise financial abuse as domestic abuse. Perpetrators use their influence to get control of their partners' economic resources, and then limit or block completely the access to it. It may take the form of persuading their intimate partner to quit their job making them dependent on the abuser, withholding money and creating “allowances”, blocking access to bank accounts, not allowing opinions on how the household finances are used, etc. 

Persuading the victim to participate in illegal actions – committing a financial crime, fraud, false insurance claims, writing fraudulent checks, etc – is also considered economic abuse. 

Perpetrators often take advantage of the financial assets of the victim. 59% of people’s credit score was ruined by the abuser. That includes converting the partner’s funds and assets into their own, forcing the victim to be in debt, and stealing their identity, property or/and inheritance. 

In a nutshell, the victim of economic abuse does not have access to their finances and assets. In most cases, when the victim gets a hold of money (for example, monthly allowances or pocket money from the abuser), they have to account for all the purchases made to the abuser.

According to Ruth Glenn, president and CEO of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, the most dangerous time for the abuse victim is during planning an escape and preparing to leave. Consulting professionals and seeking support from local women’s shelters or calling a helpline is crucial for the safety of the victim. One of the resources for that is The Haven, Wolverhampton, UK. 

We’ve combined a list of tips on how to economically prepare to leave the abusive relationship, but we encourage you to always look out for your safety and make it a priority. 

1 Prepare an escape bag. 

The bag should include a change of clothes, medication, cash, emergency phone numbers, documents like passports, financial records, insurance, birth certificates, and social security cards. Keep the bag in a safe location, you can also make copies of the documents and leave them with a trusted friend, relative or a personal bank safety deposit box. If possible, make copies of your house and/or car keys.

2 Create a safety code word

This is needed for an emergency situation. Create a code word and tell it to a friend or a neighbour, so when they would hear it from you, they’d call the police. 

3 Erase your digital footprint. 

It goes as simple as clearing up your search history and creating a new email address that only you can access. Change all existing passwords – for your bank accounts, emails, laptop, phone, etc.

4 Make a financial inventory.

Assess your financial situation: review your accounts, savings and assets, research housing and medical possibilities, your current insurance policies and if they need to be changed. Check your credit score reports for signs of fraudulent activity. 

5 Prepare a plan.

Think about what you will need after you’ll leave. That can include setting up a separate bank account and start saving up an emergency fund or an emergency cash stash. Calculate how much it will cost for you to live independently and consider your budget. Research where you can get support (safety, housing, financing, employment, health), save their addresses and phone numbers and keep them in your escape bag. 

6 Consider future employment.

Often in financially abusive relationships, victims are forced to leave their workplace. If that’s not your case and you still working, make sure your job is secured. Notify your manager or HR specialist of the situation you’re in and ask for support. 

If you are not currently working, find ways to earn money. For example, you can find a side hustle, like babysitting or walking dogs. Selling clothes, items or handmade goods is another option to earn extra cash. 

Refresh your working skills by taking courses (there are plenty of free online courses, for example), update your CV, and tell your peer group that you are looking for a job. There are also employment consultants for abuse victims, ask at the local women’s shelter or a hotline for details.

No one deserves to experience abuse. Leaving a violent relationship for good is possible, as it is possible to rebuild and start a new happy, safe, and healthy life. 

The article is written in collaboration with The Haven, Wolverhampton.